What was that thing....?

What was that thing everyone did right before the Titanic sunk?   Oh, right PANIC. That's how I feel.  Too much time to wait and brood and imagine horrible things. Like what if there is a sharknado that hits the hospital in the middle of the surgery? What then?  Actually, it is really stressful.  There are real risks which I don't want to think about now without a Valium.  

I don't feel horrible right now.  Let's take a look at the probable reasons for this:

1. I'm on some decent pain meds and any time I feel bad I can take something for it. 

2. I am almost immobile so very little stress on my back.  I spend about 22 hours a day in a recliner with a heating pad.  I figure 2 hours a day for shower, teeth brushing, potty trips, crying and flailing about, and foraging. 

3. I am not: picking up, carrying, bending, or doing anything remotely active.

4. Because eating has become such a chore I've lost weight.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't need to lose weight my BMI was and still does fall in the normal range but I've lost 13 pounds.  I read somewhere that for every extra pound you carry you put 5 pounds of pressure on your lower back.  So that's.....umm basic math..... 5x13=.....hold on....65 pounds of pressure.  That's huge...if my math is right.  And it always is.  (Why yes, that was a quote from the first IronMan movie, glad to see you are paying attention)

5. I actually am getting better...now what do I do with that? Is it?  How do I know?  Panic.

Anyway, when I do decide to get up off my butt to do something I'm reminded that I am really not ok.  I managed to successfully make a pound cake yesterday.  I mean, that is the simplest of all the cakes but it was still exhausting and achy.  I want to just go back to work, I wasn't expecting any of this, my office is a mess, I have stuff to do, people to hire, and my whole territory is now being handled by SOMEONE ELSE.  What if they are doing a better job than me.....panicking.... I have a life that has nothing to do with my current lifestyle of doing nothing!

I hope all goes completely great and I get out of the hospital quickly and heal fast.  Everything I've read is, basically you can do it now, or do it later and manage the pain, but either way eventually you will probably need to do it.  I'll take now while the insurance is playing ball and all my out of pocket expenses are paid.  Happy thought, happy thoughts,  I really suck at happy thoughts.  I'm more of a "things can always get worse" sort of person.