On a Dare

I'm going to rage and rile and shake an angry fist at predetermined destiny!  So there.  

I'm doing really well, I'm amazed at modern medicine on the whole.  I mean, I'm bolted together right!? How crazy is that?  But here's the deal, I'm not screwed together any more than someone with a bad leg or arm break.  I mean, it was touch and go last year when I broke my wrist if they weren't going to go bolt that mess back together.  I believe I will regain my strength, confidence and ability and so does my neurosurgeon.  My doctor said I can ride my damn horses in another six months and come hell or high water, I am going to do that!   And if I want to surf or dance or run a marathon (which I assure you, I do not) I will give it a shot.  I mean really, I can almost walk downstairs now like a grown up, that's just shy of guiding a 1200 lbs horse over a dozen 3 foot obstacles, right?  Maybe I'll take up Dressage instead though...by my choice. Low level, posting trot dressage. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.  OK, rant over (brought to you courtesy of reading too many negative internet posts... Really I need to stop doing that!)

Today was my last physical therapy appointment.  Beginning of the year, new insurance deductible.  So, PT would be 100% out of pocket again, I just can't afford it or more accurately I do not want to afford it.  Ugh, this whole mess is expensive!  Anyway, I have a progression for the next month of excercises so I think I'll be good.  I'm walking an hour everyday, so that's 14 miles a week or more impressively over 700 miles a year!  That's to Denver and back!  If I start now...

We had a nice Christmas.  We sort of do our own thing, I made giant soft pretzels, shortbread cookies, and then orange tofu for dinner (no, not on a dare, it's actually really good).  Hubby played guitar and we enjoyed a stress free day lounging about.  I decided I want to make my own soap, so we ordered some organic, free range, food grade soap supplies.  I mean, why not?  It sounds fun!  

Holiday Schedules Rock. Unfortunately, I Don't....

I started work!  Half days but its nice to be back and have a reason to wear makeup again!  Friday was my first day back, as expected huge computer problems...they took my computer off the network because I've been gone so long.  Sounds simple to fix but trust me, anytime IT gets involved, you're doomed.  My name is still on the door and I still have the keys to my company truck so I guess I haven't been fired, so that's good.  Everyone has been really nice to me, one of the shop managers brought me a lovely Norfolk Pine decorated with little wood ornaments as a welcome back gift.  I was back on Friday, weekend off.  Worked Monday 4 hours, Christmas Eve and Christmas off, work 2 days then the weekend off, then New Years Eve and New Year's day off.  Not a bad way to get back into the working groove!  

I've been sitting on a big red excercise ball at work.  I think it makes our claims guy nervous, he looked uncomfortably at it and offered me a chair. Aahhmmm, no... I promise I won't just fall over and file a claim against the Company, it's all good.  Anyway, I was feeling a lot more acheyness in my back over the weekend, not pain just a general awareness that my back felt different, even at night.  Just a soreness.  I couldn't figure out why because I haven't done anything differently that I could think of.  

I went to my PT appointment today and told him about my generally acheyness, after some thought and discussion he said its probably my big red excercise ball. The continuous rebalancing for the 45 minutes or so I sat before getting up and staggering about was probably the cause.  Hmm, ok I can accept that explaination.  He said I could still use it but get up more frequently. 

Well, that's the news. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.  I'll be busy baking something, crocheting, or butchering a much loved guitar classic!

Up and about with the new guitar.

Promises to Bones and Body

I had my third post op and actually got to see the neurosurgeon.  I haven't seen him since before the surgery, the first and second post ops were with his Physician's assistant...if that's what PA stands for.  People sure love their acronyms.  Like STD....that's short term disability.  Love, love, love emailing my boss to talk about my STD.   Anyway, I was glad to see my surgeon wasn't in jail and hadn't left the country.  He will be out for the holidays so this was his last day before his vacation.  The office was packed, we noticed a lot of people had some type of limp just like me.  We looked like a herd of lame mules, the girl next to me had the same surgery as me and similiar nerve damage. Guess they go hand in hand.  

Anyway, this is going to sound stupid but I really didn't know what part of the bone they sawed off.  Yes, I know this is a pre op question but I was so loaded up on drugs and in pain when I talked to the surgeon pre op I can't remember much of the conversation.  Hubby said he talked about it but all I remember was reherniation, surgical options, and me crying.  So they showed me again on the model spine that it was the dorsal fin looking part.  I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV and I don't  feel like googling it so I look educated, so that's what I'll call it.  The screws I was worried about are in the right place, I was assured if they were wrong the would have fixed it during the surgery, they checked it prior to stapling me back up.  So that was good news too.  And best of all, they saw some bone growth action!  Yeah bones!  Grow!  He was happy with my progress and said that there was not too much I could do to screw up my healing.  No horseback riding yet, no yoga downward dog, no eliptical, use good body mechanics and listen to my body.  Don't power through pain, respect it telling me to slow down.  I think I can do that.  And finally I am released to work part time!  I hope all my office plants aren't dead. I asked others to water them but that was a long time ago.  

Let's talk medication.  I have quit taking all medication and I told the doctor's office that prior to doing it.  She asked why I quit taking Gabapentin but didn't say take it.  Its been a month or so drug free.  The neurosurgeon said I should still be taking it because it can help with nerve repair.  Huh, well that's interesting.  So back on that.  My left foot feels icky when it's touched, it doesn't like shoes and socks or me touching it.  It's like when you're swimming and seaweed touches your foot, it's so weird icky gross.  It's like that, maybe the Gabapentin will help with the strange numbness but hypersensativity that seems to be going on.  

My back feels great, I'm just really happy about that.  I can sit, stand, walk (ok a little limpy),  sleep, like a normal human.  My main complaint is the hip pain and inflammation and nerve damage, but nerves grow about an inch a month so they're doing that, and I'm working on stretching and strengthening my hips.  Keep my weight correct, stay active, use proper body mechanics, that's what I have control over.  I vow I WILL NOT allow work and life stress to make me sacrifice my health and fitness.  I say that now, publicly and in bold.  Let's see if I'm a liar in 6 six months.   

Detecting a Pattern

So, I am not back at work yet.  I misunderstood what my doctor said and thought I was released for part time so that's what I told my boss, my boss's boss, and of course that was relayed to the AVP and VP.  Because if you're going to give wrong information you want it to go straight to the top!  Anyway, I go back to the Neurosurgeon tomorrow and we'll see where we're at.  Maybe I'll make it back before years end.  What is awesome is I have 3 weeks of vacation still. By awesome I mean the opposite of awesome.  I can hardly say "hey, I'm back!  Going on vaykay, see ya next year!". I can carry one week over but we have a use it or lose it vacation policy.  Ah well, I guess this time off has been like a vacation....in hell.  And here's a lovely photo by the lake of fire...

I'm going to physical therapy twice a week now.  My back feels fine, I mean like almost normal fine but the nerve damage has caused some issues!  I drove a clutch today, I managed to not strip the transmission but it was hard to push the clutch in with my bummer leg.  That's what I'm just going to call it.  Hi, I'd like you to meet Bummer Leg, it's not useless it just acts like everyday is Monday morning.  It works but only gives 20%.  Anyway, I did left leg presses at PT and when I went to stand up my leg just collapsed.  No pain, just total muscle failure. I didn't fall, thankfully saved by hubby! Hmmm, still so weak.  And stiff still.  I'm doing a ton of at home exercises and yesterday walked a full hour at once in the treadmill, first time!  So I'm thinking I'm super fit!  Yet again, I'm wrong!  I'm detecting a pattern here.  

OK, now it's fascinating trivia time.  Horses can develop a pattern on their coats, a dappling of light and dark called, ironically enough, dappling.  They aren't completely sure what causes it but blood flow has been identified as a contributing factor.  It's lovely! I have a dapple grey and the less romantically named flea bitten grey who was dappled in his horsey youth.  "What?  Why?  I don't understand the point of this educational piece of equine information." you might be saying.  Your confusion isn't misplaced, but this story does circle back to me.   I have spent a lot of time with a heating pad on my back.  It's nice and warm, it's winter and I feel like it keeps my back muscles more relaxed.  I have developed dapples on my back where I put the heating pad.  They are there all the time now.  Like horsie dapples, I have no doubt they'll fade with time.  My dear hubby did not seem impressed when I yelled "look at me!  I'm a pretty pony!  Pretty! Pretty!".  He seemed a bit, umm let's go with the word cautious with his enthusiasm.  Not every man has a lovely dappled wife, so I don't know what the problem is.  Maybe I should quit whinnying.  

My dapple grey, Rome for reference.  He's chasing a bird.  

Lightning and Vortexes and Bursitis, Oh My!

Well, overall things are progressing fine with limited (however not nonexistent) tales of drama. 

As its been awhile since my last riveting update, let's go back a bit.  I had my second post op on 11/26.  I was hoping to see the neurosurgeon but he wasn't around, I haven't talked to him since before my surgery.  I had a substitute neurosurgeon talk to me in the hospital because mine had to go out of town right after surgery.   To me, the screws look like they are sticking through my spine, I noticed that when I first saw my post op X rays while still in the hospital and was hoping for some head patting and hand holding that it was fine...just fine...but I haven't had a chance yet to ask him about it.  I don't know what anyone would do about it now and I imagine if it were a crisis someone would have said something.  Anyway, it doesn't seem to be causing any pain and when I asked at this follow up I was told the surgeon looked at it and apparently panic did not ensue so...and it was sort of left there.  So, things look fine and I'm healing up.  I got to lose the Corset of Oxygen Deprivation and surprisingly my back feels much, much better without it.  I was worried I would be weak from wearing that brace for 6 weeks, but honestly I haven't noticed any additional weakness and I sleep better with less pain.  That was almost immediately after taking that thing off, so weird right?  

I guess my Type A wanted some hard and fast "do this, not that" directions.  That didn't happen.  I was told "live your life, just don't do anything stupid.  Don't worry about everything, you could get hit by lightning, you're young you'll be fine". Ummmm, ok.  I didn't know being struck by lightening was a potential side effect of surgery but I guess I am sporting more metal than previously.  Good news though, the metal is MRI compatible in case all hell breaks loose again.  

I started physical therapy today.  It appears I have tendinitis or bursitis in my left, numb hip.  So that accounts for that pain.  I have about a thousand stretchy exercises to do for that and hopefully it gets better.  He mentioned massages.  I could use a good massage, preferably with a nice facial and pedicure seeing as I still can't reach my feet.  I am seriously as stiff as a board.  

I'm still not working, I was released for part time by the doctor's office but I haven't been cleared by my company yet.  I don't know what is going on there but I was told they wanted me to start easy and not get "sucked into the vortex" potentially hampering my recovery.  Vortexes and lightning, the world is a dangerous place.  So while waiting I bake.  Cookies, pies, gingerbread houses, cakes, candy, breads, muffins.  What, what, what, am I going to do with it all?  It's just me and hubby here.... Baking keeps me from going insane so no one has tried to stop me yet.  As if they could. 

Here's the latest picture.  It looks like all the others only no staples and a reflection of my head above my hip bone.  Surreal.