Mixed Emotions are Not as Good as a Mixed Drink

Well, here I am...still recovering right?  Anyway, I am still frustrated by the nerve damage.  Is it better? The same?  I can't tell.  A coworker told me yesterday I was walking a lot better, so that's a good sign...right?  Or am I just getting used to it...? Anyway, that continues to be my biggest complaint.  So all in all, doing good!  Maybe the nerve damage is keeping me from over doing it, maybe it's a blessing, forcing me to take it at a reasonable pace.  My silver lining is also my bane. 

I'm still stiff and a little achy, I really think I can feel the rods or something.  It doesn't hurt, it just feels weird, almost like someone sliced me open and bolted metal parts into my back.  Crazy, I know!  I feel the worse at the beginning of the night after I've gone to bed.  This last week I've worked about 50 hours (and have to work this weekend to keep up, so not done yet) and I have a big presentation next week in Colorado, so that's a five hour plus drive one way so I think that's probably one of the reasons im feeling achy and don't I expect that to change anytime soon.  I'm afraid I've only been walking about half an hour a night this last week, so that's bad!  I know, I know, I have to set limits but this work crap isn't going to get itself done.  Ack!  I need to make sure I have enough energy to walk.  I need to stay focused on my health.  But, I really need my job too. Priorities. 

Anyway, I am getting off the floor after my physical therapy excercises much easier.  I am doing a lot of  the things, except ride my horses, that I did before surgery.  I feel fine.  Sometimes I get really distraught over the idea I might not  be able to do everything I want to do though.  Can I walk for hours through a town when we are on vacation?  Im so slow, I think not yet.  Can I rock climb again?  Well, there aren't any rocks close to where I live except for Devil's Tower in Wyoming and I don't think I could have ever climbed it, even in perfect shape.  Horses?  The doctor says yes, but falling off is scary.  I don't know, I'm projecting into an unknown future, it's scary, it's the unknown.  So I guess it's the same as it always was.  No guarantees good or bad for anyone.