I Prefer Diametrically Opposed Rather than Hypocrite, Thank You Very Much.

Well, I just had my three month checkup.  Prognosis, good! That makes me really happy.  I whined, naturally, about the lame leg and the hip Tendonitis or bursitis or whatever the achey hip thing is.  Here's the deal, with no arguing, debating, or disagreeing they said, "hey, we can give you a shot in that hip that should make you feel better". In classical me fashion I don't ask "with what?". I just go "sure". Then they talked about an NSAID pill I can take now that may also work,  so I went with that.  Now, I've taken these since Tuesday, and WOW!  Who knew, that hip had really hurt! Well, I guess I knew... But now, I feel much better, so yeah!  I'm supposed to call in a couple of weeks If I decide I want to go with the mystery shot, but right now I'm happy as a clam, based on the supposition that clams are all kinds of happy.   

The PA also suggested a cream for my achey wrist, from last year's unfortunate "it's not the horse's fault you can't ride" broken wrist incident.  Australian Dream from WalMart, crazy enough.  So, after my appointment, me and hubby went shopping.  Unfortunately, it's made with emu something.  Something from a dead emu, doubtlessly.  So, I struggled for a few minutes with the idea of rubbing dead emu on me, then I realized I was wearing my leather jacket and got over it.  Yes, I know, judge away I am the vegetarian in a leather jacket and covered in emu fat.  It seems to work , so that is something.  

Let's listen to me complain about the limp. Fun!  I was reassured that based off the feeling and movement I currently have, it was reasonable to expect a full recovery.  It's not an overnight recovery, but I have time right?  I hope...   On the plus side, I gave a presentation today to a work group and I was able to use myself as the "don't make fun of the broken, gimpy, or give us nicknames like, Wimpy Limpy" because, if I had feelings, it may hurt them.  I added real life impact!  Only two people looked like they were falling asleep and no one angrily debated me, so all in all it was a great presentation day!  And someone even got the door for me as I was leaving... 

In real life, I'm not thrilled about being lame and it has impacted my self perspective but it's more ironic, funny, annoying than crushing.  I guess I'll have to depend on my devastating good looks while standing motionless.  It will do.  I am walking better every day, improving slowly....very slowly, but consistently.  As long as I'm not too tired, I only limp pretty bad.  I flail about like a beached dolphin after an 8 or 9 hour day.  But, and here's the real deal, at least the pain is minimal.  Like, no big deal, minimal so I will limp about and be happy I only LOOK like I'm suffering! 

I am still walking on my treadmill and tracking it on my pedometer thing and I have walked over 100 miles!  In a month!  So, I am pretty happy with my recovery to date.  Fuse baby fuse!

Like a Lame Mule

Working is work.  Really, I forgot.  I'm still on part time or half days or whatever, so 11 hours yesterday and just 9 hours today.  This is really cutting into my drinking time.  I go in to my surgeon for my 3 month post op on Tuesday.  Yeah!  3 months!  I'm sure I'll be cleared for full duty, but I'm kind of scared of what that is going to look like, I feel full time now.  I need to remember that I am my best health advocate...or whatever.  

Our construction deptartment came and built me a super cool standing work station, telecom is getting me set up with a new phone system so I will have a conference line right there.  I love new stuff! I'm off on my first business trip, on a plane and everything in February so it looks like life is just about back to normal.  Except for my limping, which continues to suck.  I want to wear heels but I nearly fall off of flat ground so probably not the best idea.  Lame.  I'm lame.  Literally lame.  Good thing I'm not a mule, someone would have shot me by now.  

How am I feeling?  Thank you for asking!  Well, I'm doing pretty good.  I get tired quickly, I really can't sit for a long time, not that I'm suppose to anyway.  I am sitting on my excercise ball for too long at one time but it's hard to get away and walk.  I try, but I think my standing work area combined with my excercise ball sitting area is a fairly decent combination.  I need to get a timer or something to remind me that its time to stagger about aimlessly.  

Everyone still keeps asking how I got bucked off my horse.  Our rumor mill is FAST but only has about a 5% accuracy rate.  It's a better story than what actually happened ( that rogue soap sliver of death) so I'll just go with it.  So, a little achey but hey, not bad.  Like how you might feel if you over excercised, nothing horrid.  But damn that limp!  Really, nerve damage just sucks.  Sigh.  

Whiny, winey, wine...let's have wine

I'm having a severe bout of self pity.  Woe IS me!  

I'm working 6 or 7 hour days now and I'm tired, sore, behind ( yes, already), bitchy, and sad.  Overall, I've been operating under rather restricted parameters.  Our house has a lot of floors, five to be exact, but the floors aren't very big in general.  The sitting room floor is pretty contained so I stagger about and feel pretty confident.  I walk on my treadmill an hour a day, usually at 2 mph and I feel like I'm king of the world.  When I lose my balance I just grab onto the handles.  Spoiler alert, real life doesn't have handles but sometimes there are walls.  

Yesterday I drove an hour one way to talk to some employees and that went pretty good but I was so tired afterward I just went home and fell asleep.  Not like "oh, I'm tired" more like "this floor looks like a good place to pass out".  Today, I drove an hour out to a work event.  I get there and I am limping, slow, single stepping down stairs, catching myself with the walls, and feeling...well impaired, I was feeling impaired.  I'm with another person who is running the meeting and training me on the new computer software so that was good.  I got so frustrated at this "new, crappy me" version, I was just in tears, really.  But of course, "There ain't no cryin' in fine dinin'". (why yes, I do watch Top Chef...why do you ask?  Because I stole that quote, you say?  Perhaps...).  Anyway I pulled it together, sort of.  One of my department managers was like "so people said you fell off your horse or off that exercise ball in your office!". Umm, no neither happened and that falls squarely into the none of your damned business category anyway.  Of course I didn't say that last part, but really I was thinking it pretty hard.

Anyway, I have been working to be upbeat and positive, but that's not always reality is it?  Today I feel pretty bleak.  Give me credit folks, I edited out all the f words I wanted to use.  You're welcome, this story was twice as long before it was cleaned up.   I have to remember that nerves heal slow, so there is a pretty good chance this isn't a permanent situation but it's a bummer.  At least my bosses all seem to be understanding and supportive, so that's good.  

Bitch and Whine edition is now over, now where is the wine?

Glad You're Gone 2013. Don't Come Back.

2014 had better be a kinder gentler year or I'll ...well I guess I'll do nothing, but I will sure be annoyed if its not!  I spent too much time beat up in 2013. I really thought the broken wrist recovery at the beginning of the year was the worst thing that was going to happen.  Turns out, not so much.  

So far the first 2 days of 2014 have listened to my wishes for a non-eventful year.  So that's good.  I feel great today, I worked my half day and nothing bad happened. I even trekked out into the "real world" to take care of a work issue.  I had to park my work truck in a snow and ice covered parking lot, eek!  Very Scary!  So, I held into my and everyone else's cars on the way into the building.  Then to get into the offices, you have to go through a long underground tunnel.  Longest walk ever and man, I am slow.  You know those time lapse films where everyone is moving in fast forward and one person is just sort of standing there?  That was me.  I was passed by everyone but hey, I made it!  

I've been dedicating an hour a day to walking on my treadmill and now that I'm entering the land of the living I picked up a pedometer thingy so I could get credit for that walking too.  There is a prize for the person who walks the most and I want to win it.  Oh wait, no there isn't... so I guess it's just for my personal satisfaction.  Wait, I don't like that either.  Once I walk some distance that I'll determine at a later date I'm going to buy myself a new PRS guitar or a shiny new horse or something.  So there is now a prize and I will win it!  Yeah! 

I am also doing about a thousand different physical therapy excercises.  Some of them are pretty brutal, like those wall slide chair sit things.  A wall is not a chair, a chair has legs and my legs think I should be aware of that fact.  A lot of the excercises are on the floor though.  So I have found that I am most aware something bad has happened to me when I am struggling to get back up off the ground afterwards.  You've seen 11 month olds struggling to stand, dragging themselves up with any available piece of furniture so they can teeter for a moment looking pleased?  Well, picture that on a 44 year old.  It's just not as endearing (it might even verge on sad) but it is what it is.  

I get some twinges, some minor aches and pains but the truth is I feel much better than before I was bolted together.  I'll keep following doctor's orders and listening to my body (unless it just my thighs yelling that I should just find a chair already as I'm doing my PT excercises) and keep on healing.  

On a Dare

I'm going to rage and rile and shake an angry fist at predetermined destiny!  So there.  

I'm doing really well, I'm amazed at modern medicine on the whole.  I mean, I'm bolted together right!? How crazy is that?  But here's the deal, I'm not screwed together any more than someone with a bad leg or arm break.  I mean, it was touch and go last year when I broke my wrist if they weren't going to go bolt that mess back together.  I believe I will regain my strength, confidence and ability and so does my neurosurgeon.  My doctor said I can ride my damn horses in another six months and come hell or high water, I am going to do that!   And if I want to surf or dance or run a marathon (which I assure you, I do not) I will give it a shot.  I mean really, I can almost walk downstairs now like a grown up, that's just shy of guiding a 1200 lbs horse over a dozen 3 foot obstacles, right?  Maybe I'll take up Dressage instead though...by my choice. Low level, posting trot dressage. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.  OK, rant over (brought to you courtesy of reading too many negative internet posts... Really I need to stop doing that!)

Today was my last physical therapy appointment.  Beginning of the year, new insurance deductible.  So, PT would be 100% out of pocket again, I just can't afford it or more accurately I do not want to afford it.  Ugh, this whole mess is expensive!  Anyway, I have a progression for the next month of excercises so I think I'll be good.  I'm walking an hour everyday, so that's 14 miles a week or more impressively over 700 miles a year!  That's to Denver and back!  If I start now...

We had a nice Christmas.  We sort of do our own thing, I made giant soft pretzels, shortbread cookies, and then orange tofu for dinner (no, not on a dare, it's actually really good).  Hubby played guitar and we enjoyed a stress free day lounging about.  I decided I want to make my own soap, so we ordered some organic, free range, food grade soap supplies.  I mean, why not?  It sounds fun!  

Holiday Schedules Rock. Unfortunately, I Don't....

I started work!  Half days but its nice to be back and have a reason to wear makeup again!  Friday was my first day back, as expected huge computer problems...they took my computer off the network because I've been gone so long.  Sounds simple to fix but trust me, anytime IT gets involved, you're doomed.  My name is still on the door and I still have the keys to my company truck so I guess I haven't been fired, so that's good.  Everyone has been really nice to me, one of the shop managers brought me a lovely Norfolk Pine decorated with little wood ornaments as a welcome back gift.  I was back on Friday, weekend off.  Worked Monday 4 hours, Christmas Eve and Christmas off, work 2 days then the weekend off, then New Years Eve and New Year's day off.  Not a bad way to get back into the working groove!  

I've been sitting on a big red excercise ball at work.  I think it makes our claims guy nervous, he looked uncomfortably at it and offered me a chair. Aahhmmm, no... I promise I won't just fall over and file a claim against the Company, it's all good.  Anyway, I was feeling a lot more acheyness in my back over the weekend, not pain just a general awareness that my back felt different, even at night.  Just a soreness.  I couldn't figure out why because I haven't done anything differently that I could think of.  

I went to my PT appointment today and told him about my generally acheyness, after some thought and discussion he said its probably my big red excercise ball. The continuous rebalancing for the 45 minutes or so I sat before getting up and staggering about was probably the cause.  Hmm, ok I can accept that explaination.  He said I could still use it but get up more frequently. 

Well, that's the news. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.  I'll be busy baking something, crocheting, or butchering a much loved guitar classic!

Up and about with the new guitar.

Promises to Bones and Body

I had my third post op and actually got to see the neurosurgeon.  I haven't seen him since before the surgery, the first and second post ops were with his Physician's assistant...if that's what PA stands for.  People sure love their acronyms.  Like STD....that's short term disability.  Love, love, love emailing my boss to talk about my STD.   Anyway, I was glad to see my surgeon wasn't in jail and hadn't left the country.  He will be out for the holidays so this was his last day before his vacation.  The office was packed, we noticed a lot of people had some type of limp just like me.  We looked like a herd of lame mules, the girl next to me had the same surgery as me and similiar nerve damage. Guess they go hand in hand.  

Anyway, this is going to sound stupid but I really didn't know what part of the bone they sawed off.  Yes, I know this is a pre op question but I was so loaded up on drugs and in pain when I talked to the surgeon pre op I can't remember much of the conversation.  Hubby said he talked about it but all I remember was reherniation, surgical options, and me crying.  So they showed me again on the model spine that it was the dorsal fin looking part.  I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV and I don't  feel like googling it so I look educated, so that's what I'll call it.  The screws I was worried about are in the right place, I was assured if they were wrong the would have fixed it during the surgery, they checked it prior to stapling me back up.  So that was good news too.  And best of all, they saw some bone growth action!  Yeah bones!  Grow!  He was happy with my progress and said that there was not too much I could do to screw up my healing.  No horseback riding yet, no yoga downward dog, no eliptical, use good body mechanics and listen to my body.  Don't power through pain, respect it telling me to slow down.  I think I can do that.  And finally I am released to work part time!  I hope all my office plants aren't dead. I asked others to water them but that was a long time ago.  

Let's talk medication.  I have quit taking all medication and I told the doctor's office that prior to doing it.  She asked why I quit taking Gabapentin but didn't say take it.  Its been a month or so drug free.  The neurosurgeon said I should still be taking it because it can help with nerve repair.  Huh, well that's interesting.  So back on that.  My left foot feels icky when it's touched, it doesn't like shoes and socks or me touching it.  It's like when you're swimming and seaweed touches your foot, it's so weird icky gross.  It's like that, maybe the Gabapentin will help with the strange numbness but hypersensativity that seems to be going on.  

My back feels great, I'm just really happy about that.  I can sit, stand, walk (ok a little limpy),  sleep, like a normal human.  My main complaint is the hip pain and inflammation and nerve damage, but nerves grow about an inch a month so they're doing that, and I'm working on stretching and strengthening my hips.  Keep my weight correct, stay active, use proper body mechanics, that's what I have control over.  I vow I WILL NOT allow work and life stress to make me sacrifice my health and fitness.  I say that now, publicly and in bold.  Let's see if I'm a liar in 6 six months.