Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Well, I wandered out into the world of air travel last week for a work trip.  My flight was scheduled for last Monday from the local, rural airport to Denver then on to Texas.  Perhaps you have read there has been a pilot shortage and our little airline only pays about $21,000 a year (process that for a sec, the PILOT makes about the same as the fry guy at McDonald's). I would say something about safety but honestly, they have some skin in the game, if the plane goes down they're going down too.  But still...no wonder there is a pilot shortage.  Anyway, I got a call on Friday that my flight was cancelled so I had to drive to Denver in the snow on Sunday. For those of you unfamiliar with this part of the country there is a whole lot of nothing between my home and Denver so it was a long drive with few safe places to get out of the car and walk around.  Thankfully, I made it to the hotel, so one leg of the journey down!

On to the airport adventure.  When I was checking my bags, I asked how far it was to my gate.  It was like 1000 miles, or it might as well have been.  People were scurrying around, swinging bags and luggage about, not looking where they were going and I will admit I was scared someone was going to crash into me and I would die.  Or fall down where I would be stuck on my back waving my arms around like the guy in Kafka's Metamorphasis.  All in all, not an appealing mental picture, so I sucked up my pride and asked for a wheelchair. 

Now, this is where my story gets awesome.  When you are being pushed in a wheelchair you cut to the front of every line.  So that long security line, yep skipped it all and straight to the front of the line and right to my gate.  Hmmm, embarrassing perhaps but I found that convenience was a definite balm to my ego.  Who knew?  One of the dubious benefits of being wobbley, stupid slow and lame.  

At the meeting two of the AVPs came to talk to me to see how I was feeling.  It turned out they had both also had back surgery. I am just amazed at how many people I keep encountering that had back surgery and recovered fine.  They were both so positive and understanding because they had been in a similar situation.  My co workers all seemed glad I was back and I only almost fell down once when I lost my balance,  got tangled in someone's computer bag,  tried to catch myself on the wall, naturally the accordion section of a dividing wall, which gave when I leaned on it, and down I was headed.  My boss caught me in mid fall so tragedy averted!  Oh, such beauty and grace! 

Anyway, I made the journey safe and sound.  It was exhausting and it took two days to recover once I got home but it was because it was tiring not because I was in a lot of pain, just as usual, achey.  Maybe I'm not ready for any big vacation trips yet and that is good to know!  Better to find that out while still in the U.S and not hiking through some foreign airport, right?

Escaping the Clutches of Death

So, I have found that insanely, intolerably, miserably cold weather makes the giant screws in my back ache.  According to my car's thermometer it was -10 on my drive home from work today.  Here, let me write that out...ten degrees below zero. So, my eyeballs freeze and my back aches.  Why...why do I live here...? 

I'm working full time now, I spend half the day standing and the other half sitting on my excercise ball.  As instructed by my doctor, I get up and wander the halls periodically, peering into offices and dragging my numb leg.  Sometimes I mutter to myself for effect.  People are getting accustomed to it but I feel like I should be rattling chains, like the ghost of managers past.  

Yesterday, the parking lot was snowy and as I was staggering from my car to my office I slipped!  Oh, the panic!  It was all ok thankfully, just a little slide,  but the first thing I did was go on a quest for the company provided grippy traction shoe things (yes, I do think that's the technical name).  I found one of the other managers and said "I slipped a little in the parking lot, I need the teethy, grippy things".  So, what did this little statement cause behind the scenes?  Today I had an employee come to me and ask if the white truck was mine, it was so I said yes.  He asked if it looked clear and safe for me to walk to my truck, I said "ummm, yes...it looks fine"?.  So he told me yesterday he was told I nearly slipped and died in the parking lot so they better make sure I was ok and the path to my car was Honolulu.  I told him I was just looking for grippy shoe things, not complaining.  Oh, the rumor mill!  Apparently I barely escaped the cruel grip of Death yet again!  

So, I'm almost back to normal...slow, stupid normal, but I am starting to do things without thinking about them so much.  Little things like picking up small dropped items off the floor like a normal person instead of just saying "well, it's on the floor" like it just got sucked into a black hole and is gone forever.   Every day is a little bit better and that's all I can ask for.  Well, that and a million dollars.  

I Prefer Diametrically Opposed Rather than Hypocrite, Thank You Very Much.

Well, I just had my three month checkup.  Prognosis, good! That makes me really happy.  I whined, naturally, about the lame leg and the hip Tendonitis or bursitis or whatever the achey hip thing is.  Here's the deal, with no arguing, debating, or disagreeing they said, "hey, we can give you a shot in that hip that should make you feel better". In classical me fashion I don't ask "with what?". I just go "sure". Then they talked about an NSAID pill I can take now that may also work,  so I went with that.  Now, I've taken these since Tuesday, and WOW!  Who knew, that hip had really hurt! Well, I guess I knew... But now, I feel much better, so yeah!  I'm supposed to call in a couple of weeks If I decide I want to go with the mystery shot, but right now I'm happy as a clam, based on the supposition that clams are all kinds of happy.   

The PA also suggested a cream for my achey wrist, from last year's unfortunate "it's not the horse's fault you can't ride" broken wrist incident.  Australian Dream from WalMart, crazy enough.  So, after my appointment, me and hubby went shopping.  Unfortunately, it's made with emu something.  Something from a dead emu, doubtlessly.  So, I struggled for a few minutes with the idea of rubbing dead emu on me, then I realized I was wearing my leather jacket and got over it.  Yes, I know, judge away I am the vegetarian in a leather jacket and covered in emu fat.  It seems to work , so that is something.  

Let's listen to me complain about the limp. Fun!  I was reassured that based off the feeling and movement I currently have, it was reasonable to expect a full recovery.  It's not an overnight recovery, but I have time right?  I hope...   On the plus side, I gave a presentation today to a work group and I was able to use myself as the "don't make fun of the broken, gimpy, or give us nicknames like, Wimpy Limpy" because, if I had feelings, it may hurt them.  I added real life impact!  Only two people looked like they were falling asleep and no one angrily debated me, so all in all it was a great presentation day!  And someone even got the door for me as I was leaving... 

In real life, I'm not thrilled about being lame and it has impacted my self perspective but it's more ironic, funny, annoying than crushing.  I guess I'll have to depend on my devastating good looks while standing motionless.  It will do.  I am walking better every day, improving slowly....very slowly, but consistently.  As long as I'm not too tired, I only limp pretty bad.  I flail about like a beached dolphin after an 8 or 9 hour day.  But, and here's the real deal, at least the pain is minimal.  Like, no big deal, minimal so I will limp about and be happy I only LOOK like I'm suffering! 

I am still walking on my treadmill and tracking it on my pedometer thing and I have walked over 100 miles!  In a month!  So, I am pretty happy with my recovery to date.  Fuse baby fuse!

Like a Lame Mule

Working is work.  Really, I forgot.  I'm still on part time or half days or whatever, so 11 hours yesterday and just 9 hours today.  This is really cutting into my drinking time.  I go in to my surgeon for my 3 month post op on Tuesday.  Yeah!  3 months!  I'm sure I'll be cleared for full duty, but I'm kind of scared of what that is going to look like, I feel full time now.  I need to remember that I am my best health advocate...or whatever.  

Our construction deptartment came and built me a super cool standing work station, telecom is getting me set up with a new phone system so I will have a conference line right there.  I love new stuff! I'm off on my first business trip, on a plane and everything in February so it looks like life is just about back to normal.  Except for my limping, which continues to suck.  I want to wear heels but I nearly fall off of flat ground so probably not the best idea.  Lame.  I'm lame.  Literally lame.  Good thing I'm not a mule, someone would have shot me by now.  

How am I feeling?  Thank you for asking!  Well, I'm doing pretty good.  I get tired quickly, I really can't sit for a long time, not that I'm suppose to anyway.  I am sitting on my excercise ball for too long at one time but it's hard to get away and walk.  I try, but I think my standing work area combined with my excercise ball sitting area is a fairly decent combination.  I need to get a timer or something to remind me that its time to stagger about aimlessly.  

Everyone still keeps asking how I got bucked off my horse.  Our rumor mill is FAST but only has about a 5% accuracy rate.  It's a better story than what actually happened ( that rogue soap sliver of death) so I'll just go with it.  So, a little achey but hey, not bad.  Like how you might feel if you over excercised, nothing horrid.  But damn that limp!  Really, nerve damage just sucks.  Sigh.  

Whiny, winey, wine...let's have wine

I'm having a severe bout of self pity.  Woe IS me!  

I'm working 6 or 7 hour days now and I'm tired, sore, behind ( yes, already), bitchy, and sad.  Overall, I've been operating under rather restricted parameters.  Our house has a lot of floors, five to be exact, but the floors aren't very big in general.  The sitting room floor is pretty contained so I stagger about and feel pretty confident.  I walk on my treadmill an hour a day, usually at 2 mph and I feel like I'm king of the world.  When I lose my balance I just grab onto the handles.  Spoiler alert, real life doesn't have handles but sometimes there are walls.  

Yesterday I drove an hour one way to talk to some employees and that went pretty good but I was so tired afterward I just went home and fell asleep.  Not like "oh, I'm tired" more like "this floor looks like a good place to pass out".  Today, I drove an hour out to a work event.  I get there and I am limping, slow, single stepping down stairs, catching myself with the walls, and feeling...well impaired, I was feeling impaired.  I'm with another person who is running the meeting and training me on the new computer software so that was good.  I got so frustrated at this "new, crappy me" version, I was just in tears, really.  But of course, "There ain't no cryin' in fine dinin'". (why yes, I do watch Top Chef...why do you ask?  Because I stole that quote, you say?  Perhaps...).  Anyway I pulled it together, sort of.  One of my department managers was like "so people said you fell off your horse or off that exercise ball in your office!". Umm, no neither happened and that falls squarely into the none of your damned business category anyway.  Of course I didn't say that last part, but really I was thinking it pretty hard.

Anyway, I have been working to be upbeat and positive, but that's not always reality is it?  Today I feel pretty bleak.  Give me credit folks, I edited out all the f words I wanted to use.  You're welcome, this story was twice as long before it was cleaned up.   I have to remember that nerves heal slow, so there is a pretty good chance this isn't a permanent situation but it's a bummer.  At least my bosses all seem to be understanding and supportive, so that's good.  

Bitch and Whine edition is now over, now where is the wine?

Glad You're Gone 2013. Don't Come Back.

2014 had better be a kinder gentler year or I'll ...well I guess I'll do nothing, but I will sure be annoyed if its not!  I spent too much time beat up in 2013. I really thought the broken wrist recovery at the beginning of the year was the worst thing that was going to happen.  Turns out, not so much.  

So far the first 2 days of 2014 have listened to my wishes for a non-eventful year.  So that's good.  I feel great today, I worked my half day and nothing bad happened. I even trekked out into the "real world" to take care of a work issue.  I had to park my work truck in a snow and ice covered parking lot, eek!  Very Scary!  So, I held into my and everyone else's cars on the way into the building.  Then to get into the offices, you have to go through a long underground tunnel.  Longest walk ever and man, I am slow.  You know those time lapse films where everyone is moving in fast forward and one person is just sort of standing there?  That was me.  I was passed by everyone but hey, I made it!  

I've been dedicating an hour a day to walking on my treadmill and now that I'm entering the land of the living I picked up a pedometer thingy so I could get credit for that walking too.  There is a prize for the person who walks the most and I want to win it.  Oh wait, no there isn't... so I guess it's just for my personal satisfaction.  Wait, I don't like that either.  Once I walk some distance that I'll determine at a later date I'm going to buy myself a new PRS guitar or a shiny new horse or something.  So there is now a prize and I will win it!  Yeah! 

I am also doing about a thousand different physical therapy excercises.  Some of them are pretty brutal, like those wall slide chair sit things.  A wall is not a chair, a chair has legs and my legs think I should be aware of that fact.  A lot of the excercises are on the floor though.  So I have found that I am most aware something bad has happened to me when I am struggling to get back up off the ground afterwards.  You've seen 11 month olds struggling to stand, dragging themselves up with any available piece of furniture so they can teeter for a moment looking pleased?  Well, picture that on a 44 year old.  It's just not as endearing (it might even verge on sad) but it is what it is.  

I get some twinges, some minor aches and pains but the truth is I feel much better than before I was bolted together.  I'll keep following doctor's orders and listening to my body (unless it just my thighs yelling that I should just find a chair already as I'm doing my PT excercises) and keep on healing.  

On a Dare

I'm going to rage and rile and shake an angry fist at predetermined destiny!  So there.  

I'm doing really well, I'm amazed at modern medicine on the whole.  I mean, I'm bolted together right!? How crazy is that?  But here's the deal, I'm not screwed together any more than someone with a bad leg or arm break.  I mean, it was touch and go last year when I broke my wrist if they weren't going to go bolt that mess back together.  I believe I will regain my strength, confidence and ability and so does my neurosurgeon.  My doctor said I can ride my damn horses in another six months and come hell or high water, I am going to do that!   And if I want to surf or dance or run a marathon (which I assure you, I do not) I will give it a shot.  I mean really, I can almost walk downstairs now like a grown up, that's just shy of guiding a 1200 lbs horse over a dozen 3 foot obstacles, right?  Maybe I'll take up Dressage instead though...by my choice. Low level, posting trot dressage. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.  OK, rant over (brought to you courtesy of reading too many negative internet posts... Really I need to stop doing that!)

Today was my last physical therapy appointment.  Beginning of the year, new insurance deductible.  So, PT would be 100% out of pocket again, I just can't afford it or more accurately I do not want to afford it.  Ugh, this whole mess is expensive!  Anyway, I have a progression for the next month of excercises so I think I'll be good.  I'm walking an hour everyday, so that's 14 miles a week or more impressively over 700 miles a year!  That's to Denver and back!  If I start now...

We had a nice Christmas.  We sort of do our own thing, I made giant soft pretzels, shortbread cookies, and then orange tofu for dinner (no, not on a dare, it's actually really good).  Hubby played guitar and we enjoyed a stress free day lounging about.  I decided I want to make my own soap, so we ordered some organic, free range, food grade soap supplies.  I mean, why not?  It sounds fun!